Bamber Bridge Vets 10 (ten) - 3 Lancaster Rangers

Vets manager Chris Singleton is surely expecting that all important "vote of confidence" from the vets board this week after caretaker manager Neil Crowe guided the mighty Vets to a stonking 10-3 victory over Lancaster Rangers.

With manager Singleton "otherwise engaged", the responsibility of rounding up the elder statesmen of Brig fell to Neil 'Crowey' Crowe, who made his return to the Vets managerial post "for one night only".

Crowe did not seem to have the same issues with finding players and fielding a team, a problem which seems to beset Singleton every game. There were no late excuses from the lads, and so Crowey had his pick of Brig's finest.

With a Brig line-up that featured Phil Doughty, 'Super' Ali Waddecar and the King of Brig himself, Chris 'Goose' Marlow, it was always going to be a tough test for Rangers. However, I don't think they imagined they be on the receiving end of a 10-3 defeat.

It may have been the change of manager, or the fact that the lads will be keen to impress ahead of the upcoming charity game at Irongate in April, but every one of them put in a shift.

The Vets will take on a team of ex professionals led by Tommy Spur on 30 April in aid of the 'All For Rio' Appeal' raising funds for Rio Spurr who is battling a rare childhood cancer

Finding the back of the net for Brig were Chris 'Goose' Marlow, Chris Mackenzie, Simon 'Bald Eagle' Carey. Steven 'Snowy' Green (2), John Turner and Leonaldinio Reid with a sublime free kick. Showing he's still got it, 'Super' Ali Waddecar grabbed himself a hattrick to take the Brig tally to 10.

After the game, we caught up with The Vets elusive mystery chairman, who is currently taking time out from the chaotic world of Vets football at their static caravan in the Cayman Islands. Although the wifi kept dropping out, we managed to get their thoughts on Friday's game, and the big issue of the absence of manager Chris Singleton:

"Well obviously, I didn't see the game. I'm over here in my van because I have to spend quite a bit of time out of the country for "business", but I've had a full report from my people.

I knew I could rely on Crowey, he's never let me down as a Vets manager. It's clear the lads want to play for him and that's why no-one cried off at 5:30pm. Also, he alway used to make a lovely job of washing the kit. That second-hand twin tub I bought him was a great investment.

With Crowey at the wheel, and Brig's finest footballing talent to pick from, a victory was never in doubt, the scoreline was a nice little bonus too. If they keep this up, we might end up in a nerve-wracking fight against promotion.

On the advice of my accountant, I am staying over here for a while. I've heard the other Brig team have one of those fancy video camera things. I'm going to borrow it and get one of my people to stream Vets games for me. It's amazing what you can do with technology these days. I remember when we only had 3 TV channels. When Channel 4 popped up, that blew my mind. Good job it did though, I used to love Brookside"

When pressed on the unexpected absence of manager Chris Singleton, the chairman didn't hold back:

"Yes, I am very disappointed in young Christopher. He didn't put a leave request in, and the first I heard of his absence was when I got a frantic text from Crowey saying he couldn't find the subs bibs. I don't think that message was intended for me, but at least it got me up to speed with goings on.

It wouldn't have been so bad if Christopher had sent a message with a made up excuse "got to take the budgie to the emergency vet", or some other such nonsense, but no, nothing, not a word! To make matters worse, he was later seen on social media flaunting his galavanting. Absolutely brazen that one, not a care in the world!

I will be taking the next few days to consider what my next move is with Mr Singleton. This was probably a blip and I am confident he can turn things around so he has my backing. However if he thinks he's coming out to Grand Cayman to fit me a new en-suite in the van, he's got another thing coming!"

The Vets now need to step it up a gear ready to face Tommy Spurr's All Star X1 at Irongate on 30 April.

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Scores On The Doors - by our anonymous assessor

1. Stuart Barton (7/10)
Steady as ever although he didn’t have much to do apart from picking the ball out of the net 3 times.

2.Jamie Nay (6/10, mainly for the first half)
Usual reliable self until half time,came back on at 60 minutes at centre half after assuring the manager he would be ok there. Let’s just say we doubt he will be playing there again.

3. James Clegg (8/10)
Usual ever reliable and energetic performance, never lets anyone down.

4. Jon Bolton (8/10)
Filled in well at centre half under the watchful eye of his defensive partner. Won his battles and played the ball easily.

5.Phil Doughty (9.5/10 Man of the Match)
Rolls Royce performance,didn’t need to get out of 2nd gear due to his immense reading of the game.

6.John Turner (7/10)
Sat in front of the back four and broke things up as well as playing some silky passes, didn’t put a foot wrong

7.Ali Waddecar (8/10)
The Brig legend was a constant menace for the opposition, still as dangerous as ever and chipped in with the goals

8.Lenaldinio Reid (8/10)
Midfield playmaker didn’t disappoint and capped off his performance with a deft free kick

9. Simon Carey (7/10)
A much improved performance from the Bald Eagle, linked up play well and worked hard. Listened to the manager for once and it paid off for him

10. Tom Ince (8/10)
Left foot was on fire, linked up well in midfield and played some defence splitting passes.

11. Chris Marlow (8/10)
The King of Brig on one side and super Ali on the other proved a bridge to far for the opposition; enough said. Only played for 45 minutes to make sure he was ready to do it all again for Brig Sunday side, which he did!

12. Chris Mackenzie (7/10)
Steady away came on at full back for the second half and grabbed himself a rare goal.

14. Stephen 'Snowy' Green (7/10)
Came on up front. His shoot on sight ways soon got rewarded with him grabbing a couple of goals from his 43 chances.

15. Stand in Gaffer Crowey (7/10)
Sat in the middle of the park just keeping the ball and letting the younger legs do the running. Unfortunately there appeared to be a breakdown in communication between his legs and his football mastermind brain.

Overall verdict:
A convincing win but the technical masterclass of setting the lads up in a winning formation went a long way towards this victory.

Man of the match: Phil Doughty.

Disclaimer: All Vets match reports are a parody. Some content may have been embellished for artistic or entertainment purposes, however to the best of our knowledge, scorelines are correct.