Bamber Bridge Vets 7 (Seven) - 1 Preston Athletic

It’s a backdrop more commonly associated with dark satanic mills and terraced streets, but the casual spectator/dog walker who found themselves on Blackburn’s Witton Park last Friday night could have easily thought they had been transported to the sunnier climes of the Maracanã .

The Vets put on a display of “super sexy football” worthy of the famous Rio De Janeiro stadium, putting seven past Preston Athletic in the process.

On paper, it was set to be a tough test for the Vets. Christmas has taken its toll on some of the lads and the newly-formed Athletic were unbeaten in their first four outings.

Any confidence the visitors may have had was quickly evaporated as the trio of Brig legends of Waddecar, Goose and Leonaldinio made their way on to the freshly swept astroturf of the Witton Park municipal pitches.

Brig quickly got in to their groove, which some said was “sexier than a Brazilian Samba”.

A hattrick each for Tom Ince and Simon Carey saw the Vets in to a clear 6-0 lead.

The visitors did manage two consolation goals, unfortunately one of them was in their own net!

Final Score: Bamber Bridge Vets 7 (Seven) – 1 Preston Athletic
(Brig Scorers Ince 3, Carey 3, OG 1)

Man of the Match: Tom Ince (for services to “super sexy football”)

Scores On The Doors (by our anonymous assessor):

Lee Dovey - 8
Think he’s still moaning how cold it was and was itching to play out!

Jon Bolton - 7
Steady most of the time. He couldn’t see the ball a couple of times, think one too many pigs in blankets over Christmas made his shirt a bit tighter.

James Clegg - 8
Mr dependable, chops inside every time and still fools everyone!

Craig Banks - 7
The tin man returned! Slotted in like he’d never been away. Another moaner

Andy Richards - 7
Went awol a couple of times trying to be a hero but slotted in at the back very well.

Mitch Newsome - 6
Couldn’t hit a barn door. Probably their best player on the night, shaded it from Carey

Chris 'Goose' Marlow - 7
Constant menace carrying the ball, a threat all night. Still "The King of Brig"

Lennie Reid - 7
Neat footwork all night from our very own Brazilian, Lenaldinho

Tom Ince - 9
3 goals and popped up everywhere. Constant threat!

Ali Waddecar - 7
Another big shift from Ali, great addition to the engine room and hardly ever gives the ball away

Simon Carey - 6.5
Well….where do we start….Scored 3 somehow, missed 33.

Chris Singleton - 8
Best centre half on the night. Very polite to the ref and opposing keeper.

JT - 7
Lovely link up play with the forwards, needs to work on the free kicks and not let derby score lines affect his game

All Vets match reports are a parody. Scorers and goalscorers are correct to the best of our knowledge. Some of the match content *may* have been embellished for artistic purposes.